My Butt Hurts

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion) 05/28/2020 at 21:54 • Filed to: None

3

12

How do I explain this in a way that doesn’t sound totally ridiculous?

I went wakeboarding with a friend tonight. He and his wife and son were in their boat, I was in mine with my sister. We each took a turn wakeboarding behind each other’s boats by starting and finishing on our own boats. That way, we never even got into each others’ boats. Does that make sense?

When I was about done, my friend drove close to my boat so I could cut over and land on mine. Only, I came in a little hot so I could sit down on the side of my boat without going in the water before losing momentum. I knew I could do it, but I never had before, exactly. Plus I was riding switch at the time. I came in a bit too fast and sat down quickly so I didn’t impale myself with some other sharp bits farther up the boat, and slammed my right butt cheek into the rear corner of the boat. It’s rounded, but not soft. We’re talking about a difference of 2 inches vertically, before coming into the cushioned part of the rear of the boat, while being flung toward a boat floating in the middle of a lake by another boat going about 20mph . So I thought I did pretty damn good! Even if I was *slightly* off.

So yeah, that’s my story. “First world problems” as they say. Wakeboarding injuries resulting from having two wakeboard boats available to us in the first place. The above pic was the view, it was a beautiful night out there, because it always is. But my butt hurts. I’m going to bed.

Noodles > functionoverfashion 05/28/2020 at 22:15

3

I can feel your pain. I’ve been snowboarding for 20 some years and occasionally you eat it while hauling ass down the mountain and only land on the uphill butt cheek. The other butt cheek keeps traveling down the mountain at an incredible rate of speed. I've done this enough times that I'm pretty sure I have the longest buttcrack in existence.

Beefchips > functionoverfashion 05/28/2020 at 22:16

1

Ohhh man  it’s so hot where I’m at I would love to ditch work and go wakeboarding! Up until that last bit with the collision, anyway. That sounds like i t’ll be a gnarly bruise.

avalonian > Noodles 05/28/2020 at 22:18

4

IM SORRY WHAT?!  I'm sorry, but I'm dying from laughter from your explanation. 

Noodles > avalonian 05/28/2020 at 22:20

1

It rips you a new one. Takes about 20 minutes to even stand up

Nom De Plume > Noodles 05/28/2020 at 22:29

1

This is actually a good way to impale your spine through your brain.  Prime reason hard landings hurt so badly.

shop-teacher > functionoverfashion 05/28/2020 at 22:43

1

Lol! Ibuprofen is your friend.

Noodles > Nom De Plume 05/28/2020 at 22:44

0

When it happens, you'd rather have your spine go through your brain. 

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > functionoverfashion 05/28/2020 at 23:10

1

  I’ve had that experience with a sl al o m ski on a former gravel pit lake , a beach and and picnic table. I wasn’t trying to sit on the picnic table. I was trying to come to standing stop on the beach long before I got there, but I miss calculated when to let go of the rope and the ski caught the bottom before I thought it would. I barre rolled into a table after a wide-eyed family friend sitting at said table dove out the way. That was my last run of the day. Fortunately I was a 14 year old kid at the time. That experience probably would’ve involved more than bruises now at 35.

Jim Spanfeller > functionoverfashion 05/28/2020 at 23:57

2

Here’s a ridiculous true story about me to make you feel better. Once I was so late to see a movie that I ran full-speed into a wall. Traffic was bad on the way there, so by the time we got to the theater the movie had already started and we were cutting it close. As a result, they had already dimmed the lights. This combined with the fact that the walls were painted black, plus the fact that I was running as fast as I could, meant that I didn’t notice the hallway made a right turn. So I ran full-speed into the wall. I think I stood there for a good ten seconds before I figured out what happened.. . the movie was not worth the face pain, lol!

functionoverfashion > ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com 05/29/2020 at 05:43

1

hahaha that sounds like it was amazing to watch, less so to experience. Deciding  how hard to pull before you let go is pretty delicate and really hard to get right. Never mind when the lake bottom comes up and grabs you! 

functionoverfashion > shop-teacher 05/29/2020 at 05:44

1

Yup, took some at bedtime. 

shop-teacher > functionoverfashion 05/29/2020 at 08:21

0

S-M-R-T!